Shame is an emotion so strong and so overwhelming that the results can be catastrophic. Shame can be felt by anyone at any time of the day. It is an unwanted and sometimes unexpected emotion that if not handled properly can slowly eat away at a person until they feel awful. Throughout my life shame has never been something that I couldn’t handle on my own, but for some it can become that. It can escalate rapidly if it isn’t dealt with. Shame can be both obvious to those around us but it can also be unseen as well, and that’s what makes it so dangerous. Having a moral compass coincide with feeling shame and it can be used to learn and grow from, where as the feeling of shame that is kept bottled up inside can become harmful and even potentially life threatening to those who have other things going on in their lives and cannot deal with their shame. In her Ted Talk, How telling our silenced stories can change the world, Anne Hallward explains that:
And what I found in my work is that actually shame is not just a very very painful feeling. It is actually a lethal public health threat, because shame is at the heart of essentially everything I do. Shame is at the heart of depression, this feeling of unworthiness. It’s at the heart of addiction, a feeling that is so painful, this feeling of something being so bad about me I have to anesthetize it. It’s also at the heart of suicide. This feeling of it’s hopeless for me. I’m unloveable and I’m unredeemable. (4:00)
Hallward’s point is that shame is no longer a feeling that nobody wants to feel, it has become the root of evil that can lead to such extremes as depression, addiction and even suicide. When we explore our shame and come to terms with it, and possibly even share it, that is the root of a true healing process.
I think Hallward would certainly agree with you when you say, “When we explore our shame and come to terms with it, and possibly even share it, that is the root of a true healing process.”